April Fool’s Report – State of The Nation

Originally Published @ Daily Kos  http://www.dailykos.com/story/2013/04/01/1198356/-April-Fool-s-Report-State-of-The-Nation?detail=hide

Now that Republicans have gained complete control of both houses of the US Congress and the White House, our esteemed leader and former governor of Massachusetts Mitt Romney can finally get down to the work of rigging the elections and turning the treasury over to big business interests – the dream of all greedy corporatists. The confident, smiling face of FDR has finally been erased from the public’s memory after almost a century of passionate campaigns launched by conservatives to to discredit The Great Socialist and tarnish his gilded image.

After fighting for so many years against any free hand outs for the poor and middle class, the great news is that we have finally achieved success!

With new conservative GOP appointees, the Supreme Court is now firmly in our corner and Secretary of Defense Newt Gingrinch can finish the job of turning America’s global empire into a feeding ground for the wealthy elite banking class. Hallelujah!

With new foreign wars to prop up the Halliburton class, our military industrial complex has at last reached it’s goal of total economic and political power in the USA. Now that the last vestiges of those inconvenient and outdated constitutional laws and democratic principles have been eliminated, the multinationals and Wall Street bankers are having an absolute field day! Profits are soaring and new expensive defense contracts are being granted every day…

We have no more worries about marriage equality (thank you Surgeon General Dr. Ben Carson), or legalization of pot, universal healthcare or even gun control now that right-wing religious leaders and NRA officials are writing the national legislative program with the help of Monsanto, Exxon/Mobile and the Lehman and Koch Brothers.

Soon all of the public schools will be gone and education will become religious based and/or corporate owned. Our beautiful precious little children will be able to grow up without the distraction of liberal, deconstructionist or unpatriotic propaganda designed to fool them into thinking that Michael Moore, Oliver Stone and Jon Stewart actually represent sanity.

With President Romney at the helm, the ship of state is headed for a new American Century full of promise and opportunity (for the upper class, of course). That’s why Congress has been so generous in allocating funds for a another multi-billion dollar national memorial to Ronald Reagan and the re-sculpting of Mount Rushmore to include his glorious image. I know that Tom, Teddy, George and Abe would be very proud to find their icons next to one of the greatest actors and political leaders of our time.

It’s only a matter of time before cabinet members Grover Norquist, Dick Cheney and Karl Rove order the construction of publicly funded monuments to themselves, and then we will surely see the blossoming of a new golden age…

While the police are battling protesters in the streets of Washington DC, we can rest assured that the spirit of Richard Nixon and Herbert Hoover are both with us to guide our hand as we make these necessary yet sometimes difficult changes to society.

The watchful eye of Senator Joseph McCarthy is upon us and the stinging voice of
Father Coughlin rings in our ears…

Now that there is no more immigration and the borders are sealed up tight, we can be comforted by the knowledge that all is well with the country and our nation is in good hands. We have Glenn Back and Rush Limbaugh to thank for the new spirit that now pervades the country – they are truly great Americans!

Once the riots and protest marches are over I’m sure that the poor and middle class will eventually see that minimum wage jobs without benefits or pensions is actually good for America.

Let us all stand strong and say with one unified voice that the GOP is in truth
“God’s Own Party” and that the time has finally come for a religious and corporate controlled government. God Bless America!


Do you think George W. Bush’s image should be added to Mount Rushmore?

Yes, absolutely!
No, that’s crazy!
Only if they also add Lady Gaga.
For Heaven’s Sakes Stop Asking me Stupid Questions!
Huh? Were you talking to me?
Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention…
Is the author of this article really a Republican?
Why don’t you ask someone who cares?
Why is that relevant to anything important?
Hello? Did I miss something?
No – April Fool’s Day Is Not A Joke!
I have to go to the bathroom, I’ll answer later.
Who is George W. Bush?
No – I liked his daddy better…
Not sure – where is Mount Rushmore?

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