Republican leaders announced today their plans to form an “American Nightmare Movement” (ANM) as a public-private partnership to promote more realistic expectations among the populace.

With funding from the US Chamber of Commerce and David and Charles Koch, the ANM is a response to the so-called American Dream Movement developed by MoveOn.org and former Obama Administration green energy czar Anthony Van Jones.

According to ANM spokesman Anthony Wilcox, “The goal of the American Nightmare Movement is to raise the consciousness of the American people about the nightmarish nature of the world.  It’s a tough place here on earth, and people have to stop dreaming that government will make things right.  Get over the dream-world fantasy of a Marxist utopia. Wake up to the nightmarish reality of life on earth, especially when government meddles in the free market.”

Republican Leaders announce the American Nightmare Movement

Republican Leaders announce the American Nightmare Movement

Speaker of the House John Boehner elaborated.  “Things are tough and people need to lower their expectations. People will have to learn to make do with less.  Less jobs. Less health care. Less education. Less housing. Less disaster relief.   Less policing.   Want A real nightmare?  Follow President Obama’s lead and implement more regulation, taxation, environmentalism, unions, public education, and social programs such as Social Security and Medicare.  You want to live in the USSR?”

White House Press Secretary Jay Carney responded to the announcement by saying, “The President believes the Republicans have gone too far.   The American dream is alive and well.  All it takes is less partisan bickering and more cooperation to achieve shared goals.”

Asked by reporters for his response to the American Nightmare Movement, Van Jones said, “Life on earth doesn’t have to be nightmarish. If there were less corruption, less military spending, fewer tax breaks for the rich, less outsourcing of jobs and profits, and a bit more common sense, we could have a pretty good life here for almost everyone.”